Deepology

Lies: Necessary Evil or just plain Unnecessarily Evil?

I couldn’t have picked a more loaded topic.  As much as I hate being lied to, I don’t think today’s society could survive without lies, mainly because everyone is so “me” oriented.  Most times lies are told to make a difficult situation easier to deal with for the person telling the lie, but rarely does it ever make it easier for the person being lied to. There is only one reason for lying: to get over. Either you are trying to get past a difficult situation with little hardship to yourself, or you are trying to get things to go your way. And sometimes either can be justified. Maybe you couldn't bare to tell someone you care about the truth because you knew it would crush them (the person telling the lie doesn't have to face the difficult task of hurting the person they care about). Or maybe you "fudged" a little on your job interview (the person telling the lie stands to gain a new employment situation).

But on a more personal level, lets explore betraying a trust. First, perspective: if you are the person on the receiving end of the lie, it’s easy to say, "I’d rather you have told me the truth."  The truth of the matter is that the person on the giving end of the lie doesn’t have the constitution to tell you that truth and deal with the consequences of that truth.  It takes a strong person to knowingly face a difficult situation if they can somehow make it easier on themselves. Thats just human nature. No one is that strong 100% of the time.
 
Being human has it's risks. Most times that I have been lied to (at least in my adult years) I knew the person was lying, while the person lying thinks they got over because I didn’t call them out.  But there is no need for me to call you out, I’ll give you all the rope you need if hanging yourself is really what you want…have a ball!  Granted, I may not have known what the truth was, but I knew what they were telling me wasn’t it.

Someone that I hold in high esteem lying to me would cause them to lose my respect…especially if they didn’t have to lie.  If you really know me, you know that it’s not what you do or say, but how you do or say it.  For the people I care about all I ask for is honesty and loyalty, and I only ask these things because that’s what I’m bringing to the table.  We all make mistakes, so just admit it or be “up front” about the situation and let’s just deal with it like adults.

But I don’t pretend to be “holier than thou,” I make mistakes too, and if I make a mistake, I try my best to be man enough to deal with its consequences. It’s not always that easy, but I usually find myself compelled to do what’s right. But it’s not always that simple to the person who feels they need to lie.  Or maybe sometimes the truth is really that bad…how can you be sure how the person that you feel you have to lie to is going to react? You can’t, and this is what most liars fear, the reaction of the person they are lying to. Will they still want to deal with you in whatever capacity of your current relationship or will this truth change things between you?

Lying is one of the universes true 50/50 gambles in terms of how people will react to being lied to.  Some people don’t get mad once finding out someone close to them has lied because they can put themselves “in that person’s shoes” and assume that in a similar situation, they would lie too, or if they do get mad, they calm down after giving it some thought.  I can’t always do that, because I would have told you the truth simply because, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would have wanted you to do the same for me. That's how I was built, but it really depends on the lie and what I determine was the reason for the lie. But I try to treat people the way that I want to be treated.  And more than that, I wouldn’t feel good about myself lying to someone who trusted me.
 
A stranger lying to me…I’d expect that, no big deal.  But someone close to me or someone I trusted lying to me would truly disappoint me, maybe beyond repair, depending on the lie.  If I can’t trust you, if I can’t believe what you say, how I can I be around you?  I’m far too suspicious.  Especially if it’s a lie you didn’t have to tell, an unnecessary lie that has no consequences attached to it…those are the most damaging in my eyes, that tells me you lie for sport, that you are insecure, and insecure people will sell you to the highest bidder to build themsleves up.  But why call you out? You'll only deny it…so here, have some more rope!

Conclusively, in a world of “weapons of mass destruction,” “weaves,” massive amounts of make up, butt and breast implants, studio gangsters, and liposuction, just where is honesty suppose to fit in?  It’s not really valued or rewarded in today’s society.  Truth be told…lies are so integrated into our society that it couldn’t exist without them. Apparently there is no profit in the truth…and ultimately, its all about the mighty dollar.

February 13, 2007